Do you have a countdown running in your life right now? It seems like every woman I talk to these days does. A spring trip where you have to be in a bikini. A big wedding. Your own wedding.
A deadline can create a lot of pressure, I totally get that. My Costa Rica retreat is next week, and in the past, I would have felt a ton of pressure to lose some quick weight, restrict my eating, and "look good in my swimsuit," whatever that means.
We often use these upcoming events as deadlines. "Ok, I have to lose 20 pounds by this trip." We think the deadline will motivate us, kick our lazy butts in gear, help us actually create change this time.
What really happens is one of two outcomes.
1- You restrict, you follow your workout schedule, you eat super clean, you get super intense and you do lose weight leading up to your event. Then you loosen the reigns a bit at said event to enjoy yourself and by the time you get home, the wheels have come off. Your healthy routine is totally gone, you're tired of all the hard work of eating so perfectly, and you can't bring yourself to get going again.
I often talk to women who tell me they got in to great shape for their wedding and now 5, 10, even 15 years later they have never been able to "get it back." This is because even though it's a billion dollar industry, extreme restrictive dieting does not work long term. It actually just creates repeat customers for the diet industry and wreaks havoc on our ability to healthily regulate our food intake (aka it causes many of us to battle binge eating).
2- Alternatively, you aren't able to achieve your goal as you lead up to your event. Your inner mean girl has a field day pointing out how you always fail at what you set out to do, how lazy and unmotivated and terrible you are at sticking with things. The pressure starts to mount and you shut down completely. "Oh well, what's the freaking point?"
Can you relate to either or both of these deadline based scenarios?
We think that having a countdown or a strict deadline will motivate us, but it actually creates a ton of pressure that causes us to be unsustainably extreme or to simply shut down and give up. Being hard on yourself doesn't work. And it sure as hell doesn't help you feel sexy in your own skin.
To feel sexy and comfortable with yourself and to have an amazing time at your event, you don't need to be a certain weight, have a boyfriend, or be making a certain salary - trust me, I talk to plenty of women who have all three lined up and still don't feel good about themselves.
The key is to build that comfort and that confidence from within. And BONUS, this makes it 1,000x easier to have a healthy relationship to food, to lose weight, and to take great care of your body because it feels good and you want to - not because your inner mean girl's panicking over an impending deadline.
It takes time, but it's completely possible to change your thought patterns and stop letting your negative stories run the show. The past few weeks leading up to Costa Rica, I've been focused on creating an awesome experience for our retreaters and how much fun we're going to have - not my body - and it feels fantastic.
I created Sexy In Your Own Skin to guide you out of the tired, old self-bullying routines that have never sustainably worked for you, so you can finally start owning and loving who you are while creating what you want with a million times more ease. My method has changed my life and the lives of my clients. You can explore how it might be able to help you here...