Last blog I talked about getting clear on what you truly want. And I proposed the idea of cutting out the middle-man “should” goal and starting to go straight for your true desire, i.e. the underlying reasons why you are going for that “should” goal in the first place. (If you missed it, catch up on the last blog)
The example I shared was when I ask women why they want to lose weight, what will having that do for them, the most common answers are "I want my clothes to fit again" and "I want to feel good about myself."
Now I get that we all want to feel good and healthy in our bodies, and sometimes weight loss is part of that. But it’s a little bit of a chicken and egg scenario. We assume that we need to lose weight to feel good. But what if the opposite were true?
What if allowing ourselves to feel good about ourselves now was the key to losing weight with a lot more ease?
When we are getting what we really want, i.e. to feel good about ourselves, we are more emotionally stable, we are less likely to numb out with food and drink, and we naturally have more energy for self-care.
And I think wanting to feel good about ourselves is actually at the root of many of our desires – making more money, finding a partner, contributing to our family. There are of course many other reasons why we want these things, but confidence in our value, feeling good enough is usually one of them.
So how do you start feeling good about yourself now? I have lots and lots of thoughts, in fact I have a whole program designed to help with that. But to get you started right now…
Forgive yourself that things aren’t different today. Accept that you are where you are. You can’t change the future by lamenting the past. Most of us waste a significant portion of our available energy feeling crummy that we haven’t fixed X already. Let it go. Your past self was genuinely doing her best, and hey, she kept you alive didn’t she?
Accept that you are where you are, and it’s ok. It may not be what you want, but it is actually ok. You’re doing well enough to read this email, aren’t you? Maybe it’s not actually the end of the world that you aren’t where you want to be. Maybe how intensely bad it feels is mostly in your head. That was certainly the case for me and my acne. My life felt crappy when I had acne because I saw it that way, not really because of the external circumstances of my life.
- From this place of self-acceptance and love, the negative energy drains away. See if in its place you can find 1 or 2 or even 3 things you can feel good about in yourself... How you care for your family or your smile or how you knocked that last work presentation out of the park. Allow yourself to acknowledge and feel good about those things.
You are an amazing, unique, beautiful, special human being. Stop acting like the one or two things you are missing negates that. They don’t.
To sum up… how do you start to feel good about yourself now? You forgive and accept yourself, and you choose to turn your attention to the positive. Practice allowing yourself to feel good about yourself in little bits like this. It will get easier with time.